6 Effective Strategies on How to Ask What Are We Over Text

Defining a relationship can be tricky, especially when you’re trying to figure out where you stand. If you’ve been spending time with someone and things are going well, you might find yourself wondering how to ask what are we over text without making things awkward.

This is a common situation many people face, and getting it right can help clarify your relationship and set the stage for what’s next. In this article, we’ll explore practical advice and real-life text examples to help you navigate this important conversation with ease.

Practical Advice on Asking ‘What Are We’

1. Gauge the Relationship’s Progress

Before diving into the “What are we?” conversation, take a moment to assess where you and the other person currently stand. Have you been consistently spending quality time together? Is there a pattern of mutual effort in communication, such as regular texting, phone calls, or making plans to see each other?

If you’ve met each other’s friends or started to integrate your lives in small ways, these are strong indicators that it’s appropriate to bring up the topic. Conversely, if interactions have been sporadic or if there’s been any uncertainty about your connection, it might be wise to wait until the relationship has naturally developed further.

2. Choose the Right Moment

Timing can significantly influence how your question is received. Look for a moment when both of you are relaxed and in a good mood. For instance, you might choose a time after a particularly enjoyable date or during a quiet evening when you’re both unwinding.

Avoid bringing up the question during or immediately after a stressful event, an argument, or when either of you is distracted by work or other commitments. The goal is to create a space where an open and honest conversation can happen naturally, without the added pressure of external stressors.

3. Frame the Conversation Positively

Starting the conversation with positivity sets a supportive tone. Acknowledge the things you appreciate about your relationship, such as the fun times you’ve had together or the qualities you admire in the other person. For example, you might say, “I’ve really enjoyed the time we’ve spent together, and I love how easy it is to talk to you.”

This not only makes the other person feel valued but also lays the groundwork for a constructive discussion. When you lead with positivity, you’re signaling that your intent is to build on the connection you already have, rather than to critique or challenge it.

4. Ask with Clarity and Respect

When you’re ready to ask, be clear and respectful in your approach. Instead of hinting or being vague, directly ask about the nature of your relationship, but do so in a way that invites open dialogue.

A straightforward yet considerate way to ask might be, “I’ve been thinking about us and was wondering how you see our relationship. What are we?” This phrasing is clear, but it also shows that you’re open to hearing their perspective. You’re not demanding a specific answer; you’re inviting a conversation.

5. Be Prepared for Various Outcomes

Understand that the response you receive might vary, and it’s important to be prepared for all possibilities. If the answer aligns with your hopes, that’s a great sign that you’re on the same page. However, if the response is uncertain or if the other person isn’t ready to define the relationship, listen carefully and respect their position. It’s possible they need more time to figure things out, or they might view the relationship differently than you do.

If they express a desire to keep things casual when you’re looking for something more, it’s essential to take that seriously and decide if that aligns with what you want. Being prepared for different outcomes helps you respond thoughtfully, rather than react impulsively.

6. Follow Up Thoughtfully

After the initial conversation, don’t let the discussion end there, especially if there was any ambiguity in the response. If the conversation went well, you can start making plans for the future, such as discussing exclusivity or setting relationship goals together. If the response was more uncertain, consider setting a time to revisit the conversation, perhaps in a few weeks or after another meaningful experience together.

This approach ensures that the relationship continues to evolve based on clear, ongoing communication. Additionally, following up shows that you’re committed to building a relationship that works for both of you, rather than leaving things unresolved.

Real-Life Text Examples for Asking ‘What Are We’

1. Direct Examples

If you want to be straightforward, these examples allow you to ask the question clearly and directly.

1. “I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you, and I’m curious—what do you think we are?”
2. “We’ve been spending a lot of time together. How do you see us?”
3. “I think it’s time we defined what this is. What are we?”
4. “I’m feeling a connection with you and was wondering where we stand. What are we?”
5. “I’ve been thinking about us a lot lately. What do you see us as?”
6. “I really like where this is going. How do you see our relationship?”
7. “I’d love to know what you think we are. Are we on the same page?”
8. “We’ve gotten pretty close. What do you think this is between us?”
9. “I feel like it’s important for us to be on the same page. What do you see us as?”
10. “It feels like we’re heading somewhere. What are we to you?”
11. “We’ve been hanging out a lot. What do you see this turning into?”
12. “I’ve been meaning to ask—how do you view our relationship?”
13. “I’m really happy with what we have, but I’d love to know what we are.”
14. “I feel like it’s time to talk about what we are. What do you think?”
15. “I want to make sure we’re on the same page. What do you see us as?”
16. “We’ve been close for a while now. What are we in your eyes?”
17. “I’ve enjoyed every moment with you. How do you see us?”
18. “I’ve been wondering—how do you define what we have?”
19. “I’m ready to take things to the next level. What are we?”
20. “I think it’s time we talked about what this is. What are we to each other?”

2. Casual Examples

These examples help you bring up the topic in a relaxed, non-pressuring way.

1. “Hey, we’ve been spending a lot of time together. What do you think this is turning into?”
2. “I’m curious—how do you see us? Just hanging out or something more?”
3. “I’ve been wondering where we’re headed. What do you think we are?”
4. “So, what’s your take on what we’ve got going here?”
5. “We’ve had some great times together. Where do you see this going?”
6. “I’ve been thinking about us. What do you think we’re doing here?”
7. “We’ve been pretty close lately. What do you think this is?”
8. “I’ve really enjoyed our time together. How do you see us?”
9. “We’ve been vibing really well. What do you think this is between us?”
10. “I’m curious—how would you describe what we have?”
11. “We’ve been hanging out for a while now. What do you see this as?”
12. “I’m loving what we have. What do you think we are?”
13. “We’ve had some good times. How do you view what we have?”
14. “I’ve been thinking about where we’re headed. What do you think?”
15. “We’ve been close for a bit now. What do you think we are?”
16. “I’ve really enjoyed our time together. What do you think this could be?”
17. “So, how would you define what we’ve got going on?”
18. “We’ve been getting along so well. What do you think this is?”
19. “I’ve been thinking about where we stand. What do you see this as?”

3. Playful Examples

If you prefer a light-hearted approach, these examples help you bring up the topic in a fun, non-serious way.

1. “So, are we just texting buddies, or is this something more?”
2. “On a scale of 1 to ‘we’re serious,’ where do you see us?”
3. “So, what’s our status—friends, more than friends, or future Netflix partners?”
4. “Are we just here for the memes, or do you see this going somewhere?”
5. “So, when do we start telling people we’re dating?”
6. “What do you think we are—partners in crime or something more?”
7. “I need to know, are we official or just really good at texting?”
8. “So, are we in a ‘thing’ or just really vibing?”
9. “What’s your take—are we just hanging out, or is this getting serious?”
10. “So, when are we making this official? Or should I keep practicing my texting skills?”
11. “Are we just Snapchat streak partners, or is there more to this?”
12. “When do we change our relationship status—soon or now?”
13. “So, are we doing this or just playing it cool?”
14. “What are we—just partners in brunch or something more?”
15. “I need to know, are we more than just good text chemistry?”
16. “So, when do we start telling people about us?”
17. “Are we just here for the fun, or is there something more going on?”
18. “Should I start practicing my couple selfies, or are we not there yet?”
19. “What’s your take—are we just chilling, or is this turning into something?”
20. “So, when do we get matching sweaters—soon or never?”

4. Indirect Examples

These examples allow you to bring up the topic without directly asking the question, making the conversation feel more organic.

1. “I’ve been thinking a lot about us lately. What’s been on your mind?”
2. “So, how do you usually define your relationships?”
3. “I was talking with a friend today about relationships. How do you see ours?”
4. “How do you usually know when you’re ready to define a relationship?”
5. “I’ve been reflecting on our time together. What about you?”
6. “What’s your take on relationships? Where do you think we fit?”
7. “I’ve really enjoyed our time together. How do you feel about what we have?”
8. “So, how do you normally approach relationships like ours?”
9. “I read something interesting today about relationships. How do you view ours?”
10. “We’ve been spending a lot of time together. What do you think that means?”
11. “What do you think is important in a relationship? Do we have that?”
12. “I’ve been thinking about what I want. What about you?”
13. “So, how do you usually know when a relationship is serious?”
14. “I’ve been curious—how do you see us fitting into each other’s lives?”
15. “What do you think makes a relationship work? Do we have that?”
16. “So, how do you usually define what you’re looking for in a relationship?”
17. “I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you. How do you view what we have?”
18. “How do you usually know when you’re ready for something serious?”
19. “I’ve been thinking about what I want in a relationship. What about you?”
20. “So, what do you think is the most important thing in a relationship? Do we have it?”

5. Follow-Up Examples

These examples are useful if the initial conversation didn’t lead to a clear definition of your relationship, allowing you to revisit the topic.

1. “I know we talked about this before, but I’m still curious—what do you think we are?”
2. “I’ve been thinking more about our conversation. Where do you see us now?”
3. “Last time we talked, I wasn’t sure where we stood. How do you see us now?”
4. “I’ve been reflecting on our last conversation. Do you have any more thoughts on what we are?”
5. “I wanted to revisit our conversation about us. Have your thoughts changed?”
6. “I’m still trying to figure out where we stand. What do you think we are now?”
7. “I’ve been thinking about what we discussed. Where do you see us heading?”
8. “Last time we talked, things were a bit unclear. Do you feel differently now?”
9. “I wanted to check in about where we are. What do you think?”
10. “I’ve been wondering if anything has changed for you since we last talked.”
11. “I know we’ve discussed this before, but I’m curious—how do you see us now?”
12. “I wanted to touch base on where we’re headed. Any new thoughts?”
13. “Our last conversation left me thinking. What do you think we are now?”
14. “I’ve been thinking about what we talked about. Where do you see us now?”
15. “I wanted to follow up on our last chat. How do you see us these days?”
16. “I know we’ve been taking things slow, but I’m curious—what do you think we are now?”
17. “I’ve had some time to think about us. How do you see things now?”
18. “Our last talk was helpful, but I’d like to know where you stand now.”
19. “I’ve been reflecting on where we’re at. Any new thoughts on what we are?”
20. “I wanted to revisit our conversation from before. How do you see us now?”

6. Reassuring Examples

These examples are designed to reassure the other person that the conversation is about understanding each other better, not about pressure.

1. “I just want to understand where we’re at, no pressure—what do you think we are?”
2. “I’m not trying to rush anything, just curious—how do you see us?”
3. “There’s no pressure here, I just want to know how you feel about us.”
4. “I’m happy with how things are going, but I’d like to know where you think we’re headed.”
5. “This isn’t about labels, just clarity—what do you think we are?”
6. “I’m not asking for anything to change, just wondering where you see us.”
7. “No rush, just wanted to get a sense of how you view us.”
8. “I’m really enjoying what we have, and I’d love to know what you think we are.”
9. “I’m not in a hurry, but I think it’s good to know how we both see this.”
10. “There’s no need to decide anything now, just curious—what do you think we are?”
11. “I’m just looking for a bit of clarity, no pressure—how do you see us?”
12. “I don’t want to rush anything, just wondering where you think we stand.”
13. “This isn’t about changing anything, just curious—what do you think we are?”
14. “I’m really happy with where we are, and I’d love to hear your thoughts on what we are.”
15. “No pressure at all, I’m just curious—how do you view what we have?”
16. “I’m not trying to push anything, just wanted to know what you think we are.”
17. “I’m enjoying us as we are, just wondering—how do you see us?”
18. “There’s no rush to figure everything out, but what do you think we are?”
19. “This isn’t about labels or pressure, just curious—what do you think we are?”
20. “I’m really happy with what we have, just wanted to see how you view us.”